Tales of the Parodyverse

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J. Jonah Jerkson
Fri Dec 02, 2005 at 05:51:57 pm EST
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And here's a start on the 20 richest Parodyverse people.
Originally
The Forbes Fictional 15 , This is funny!
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ag
Fri Dec 02, 2005 at 02:43:35 pm EST
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The Furbes Magazine "20 Richest in the Parodyverse" List






















NameNet Worth
Harry Flask (the Lynchpin)$20 billion
Banjooo, King of the Sea Monkeys$18 billion
Montiver Hole$15 billion
Akiko Masamune$10 billion
Factor X$5 billion
Aldrich Grey (the Grey Eminence)$4.7 billion
Camellia of the Fey$3 billion
Magenta St. Evil$2.5 billion
The Wooster family$2 billion
Michael McKinley$3 billion
Baroness Elizabeth Zemo$1.1 billion
Roni Y. Avis$1 billion
J. Jonah Jerkson$800 million
NTU-150$650 million
Gideon Book$550 million
Professor Manyarms$500 million
Sir Mumphrey Wilton$425 million
Troia215$225 million
The Machine Shop$200 million
Daio Waltz (Dr. Moo)$100 million


Dropped from the top 20:

Jarvis ($125 million from careful saving, missing)
Balefire ($95 million, dead)
Thighmaster ($1.1 million after unbelievable mismanagement)
Dark Knight ($50,000, turns out he really was only a newspaper reporter)
Donar ($0, Ausgard missing)

#1 Harry Flask (the “Lynchpin”)

Net worth: $20 billion Trend: growing steadily
Sources: Crime, real estate, investment fraud, cheating little old ladies, software development
Age: 55
Weight: pushing 350 pounds
Marital status: Single
Residence: GothametropolisYork, GMY, USA

As a child, Harry Flask went hungry to bed every night. There’s little chance of that happening now, as the urchin from the stews of Gothametropolis York is now reputed to be not only the richest person on Parody Earth but also the Lynchpin of Crime. No romantic entanglements reported, but he is frequently seen with the luscious Gamona, his “bodyguard.” Various claimants to status as his illegitimate child have all suffered bizarre “accidents.” In recent years, has turned to less violent endeavors such as real estate development and software monopolies.

#2 H.M. Banjooo, King of the Sea Monkeys

Net worth: $18 million Trend: unknown
Sources: Undersea mining, wreck salvage, sale of surplus subjects
Age: unknown
Marital status: Widowed
Residence: Royal Palace, Atlantis

As absolute and autocratic ruler of the 78% of Earth below the waves, Banjooo could well be far wealthier than our estimate, which is based on his financial assets. The undersea ruler, though, has exhibited erratic and uneconomic behavior, ranging from his quixotic private detective agency venture with current Badripoor president and former omni-mayor Mark Hopkins to idiosyncratic spending sprees. Some aquatic dissidents attribute his lack of interest in developing his realm to challenges from loan sharks and fishy bankers.

#3 Montiver Hole

Net worth: $15 billion Trend: skyrocketing
Sources: 10% ownership of ZOXXON Oil
Age: 58
Marital status: Married to Marie de la Tour Hole
Residence: “Dry Hole,” his palatial estate outside Parodiopolis, PY, USA

Monty Hole was just another very well-paid CEO until the mysterious refinery and oil field outages 15 months ago. Then, as oil prices broke $100 per barrel, he exercised a pile of stock options to obtain 1/10 ownership of the world’s largest petroleum company. Persistent rumors link him to Baroness Elizabeth Zemo (#12, new this year) and a transmundium smuggling venture, but nothing sticks – so far.

#4 Akiko Masamune
Net worth: $10 million Trend: consistent growth
Sources: crime (primarily smuggling, protection rackets, prostitution, and kickbacks)
Age: 29
Marital status: Single
Residences: “Pine Elegance,” Kyoto; “Pink Peak,” Hong Kong; “Rose Tower,” MangaTown, Parodiopolis, PY, USA

“The World’s Pinkest Criminal” continues her reputation as the “Steel Hand in the Silken Glove.” Although she presents an air of being entirely above the mundane, her unruffled elegance conceals a ruthless climb to just below the peak of international crime. Investigators remain puzzled by her apparent links to the Lair Legion, which furiously denies any association with her but which seemingly dispatches members (particularly Visionary) to her aid.

#5 Grigor Vasillych
Net worth: $5 billion Trend: volatile
Sources: international supercriminal information and technology brokerage
Age: 61
Marital status: unknown
Residence: Kaarpala, Finland

Many of Dr. Vasillych’s colleagues grabbed control of Soviet oil companies or manufacturers when the USSR collapsed. Some of them are in jail, others in exile. Vasillych took nothing – except his encyclopedic knowledge of Soviet black technology and what must have been the best Rolodex of the criminally ambitious. In the following 13 years, he has become the indispensible middleman for supervillain supply and covert intelligence ops. Rarely found at his Finnish villa, Dr. Vasillych seems to roam worldwide and to always be in contact with his customers, but never present. With the formidable telepath The Mind’s Eye in his service, he’s never surprised.





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